Did you ever feel as though something was lacking in your routine but you just couldn’t put your finger on what it was? I knew that my interior landscape just wasn’t in good working order but I couldn’t quite figure out what was causing these feelings of discomfort.
Gradually, it came to me that I had somehow discarded my daily mediation practice. I hadn’t meant for it to happen. It was one of those gradual things. I started to prioritize my time in the morning and meditation starting moving further and further down the list until it finally disappeared completely.
So this week I am celebrating the return of my daily meditation practice and with it a much more peaceful interior landscape.
I am a long time failure at meditation. No matter what I do the monkey mind always wins. I have tried many different types of meditation.
Following my breath – I always end up hyperventilating.
My own secret mantra – which eventually bores me and I end up tying to think up a new secret word instead of meditating.
Listening to the surrounding sounds – this one is a total distraction. Depending on my mood I can freak out and think someone is in the house waiting to accost me or that the water is running in the toilet and I better get up and check it.
Listening to alpha wave music – I end remembering everything I need to do that day and sure that I will forget those items the minute the music ends because I am in such a blissful state.
So I decided to invent my own meditation. Why not, right? Every swami has to start somewhere. This would be the write it down meditation. When a thought occurred to me while meditating , instead of angsting over forgetting it, I would keep a pad next to my cushion and right it down. Then I would be able to blissfully return to the world of cleansing my mind. So this is what happened.
I think I’ll make a pork roast for dinner.
I’ll try that recipe for apple cider brining.
Buy apple cider. Write it down.
Is that toilet running?
I really have to call the plumber. Write it down.
Wow, listen to how noisy that car is.
I keep forgetting to get the car serviced.
Call the dealership. Write it down.
On and on and on until I ended up with a calm mind, a long to do list, and writer’s cramp.
Except for the writer’s cramp I think I may be on to something here. The Efficient Woman’s Method of Meditation, how not to waste a minutes time by combining your to do list with achieving calmness. I see it now – 52 weeks on the Times Best Seller list, interviews on the Today Show, and my own line of calendars and daytimers.
Wishing you efficient calmness,
Oh, and I am already on my way to the copyright office, so don’t even think about it!
As I mentioned before my OWL for this year is Light Hearted (yes, I know that is two words). In the pursuit of being light hearted, I have signed on to take a course in humor writing. What follows is a fictionalized tale of a real event.
The alarm cruelly pulled me from the warm arms of my covers and put me on the road without the solace of my morning Joe.
The thin morning light found me in the words of Chuck Berry, “riding along in my automobile”, unfortunately no “baby beside at the wheel”.
Out of the morning gloom I spy a pair of frightening lights. The lights are very menacing and eating the road up fast. I look in rear mirror and see an evil looking muscle car with a pair of aggressive lights and a mean lear to its grill. Intimidation personified and muscle car decides to exercise all of it by taking a ride on my bumper instead of passing.
Now, I know I am in the passing lane but give me a break. The hulk couldn’t go around me? Thus began this inner dialogue, ok, I say to myself what would Deepak Chopra say in this situation – meditate, meditate. Well darn it you can’t meditate in the car. Alright Bernadette, what else have you learned from meditation? Now I remember, the person who is irritating you the most is your best teacher. Well, that made me feel better because I figure I am teaching him patience. And he is teaching me nonviolence. I accept his lesson and pull into the other lane even though I just feel like hitting my breaks real fast and smashing the evil grin of that car’s face. No meditation or coffee in the morning is a very lethal combination.
Finally down the road I spy a rest stop and the benediction of a cup of a coffee is soon to come.
I pull into the rest stop, hop out of the car, and rush to the door. I quickly join the herd waiting for their morning libation.
I glance behind me and who should be there breathing down my neck but muscle car. He gives me a big, sincere smile and wishes me good morning. I eek out a weak smile and murmur mornin’. I order my plain morning coffee and think he is no doubt pleased with my courtesy of not ordering one of the caramel machiatto soy half caf morning libations. Although vengeance had reared its ugly head and encouraged me to order one of those complicated drinks just to slow him down.
As I am virtuously putting my skin milk into my coffee don’t I hear him order venti bold with a double shot of expresso and soy milk. No surprise there!
After drinking my coffee I approach the door to return to my car and muscle car suddenly appears, opens the door, and wishes me a good day.
I had to laugh at the irony of the situation. Apparently is absurd to expect good manners to apply not only to face to face engagement but also to car to car encounters.
I am the type of person who likes to know the answer to everything. My favorite columns in the newspaper were Ripley’s Believe It Or Not and Strange But True. I am a self proclaimed expert in the area of obscure and unimportant information.
You can imagine how happy I became when Google Search arrived on the scene. Now, every time I had a question about anything, I did a google search. Wow, talk about instant gratification.
I am also a person, probably like all members of the human tribe, who hates living with uncertainty. I spend a lot of time meditating in order to deal with the ants in the pants feeling I get when I don’t know the answer. I found meditation to be much more effective than a Ouija Board (one of my favorite games as an adolescent).
I was wrestling with that feeling of unease this week, and I wished I could just do a google search to get the answer to one of life’s problems. Wouldn’t that be wonderful?
How do you deal with uncertainty? Drop me a line a let me know.
Wishing you a week filled with pleasant certainties,