MUSINGS

“THERE IS ALWAYS SOMEONE WHO IS WILLING TO CRITICIZE YOU,

DON’T LET IT BE YOU.”

 

How do you build your self-esteem?

About Bernadette

I live in the small town of Haddonfield, NJ. I am at an age in my life when I seem to spend time thinking and musing about life. These musings are usually stimulated by my walks through Haddonfield, my reading of books and fellow bloggers, and my interaction with my group of fabulous family and friends.

26 Responses

  1. Oh Bernadette, how I struggle with this one. Recently, I have been helping my stepson who has the same issues and we have been practicing a simple formula. You right down 5 things that you do well – that can be as simple as you fold clothes better than anyone you know (this is actually true of me 😉) then you ask those that you are really comfortable with – your closest, to do the same thing – the list can be longer if they wish. You put the lists together to form one big happy document (I have mine in a nice notebook because I like nice notebooks) and you look at it every morning before you start your day and every night before you sleep. And each day you add something else. Reading what others feel you do well and forcing yourself to acknowledge there are things that you know you do things well is great practice. I am happy to say that he landed a new and much better job a month into the practice. I am so proud of him. I will re-visit this post later because I will be fascinated to see what others do. It is the greatest erosion of spirit, lack of self esteem and I am convinced that it is an increasing issue in this scattered and pumped up world we are living in. Community is so important for emotional well-being

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      1. What a brilliant idea …. I shall remember it the next time (and there’s always a next time) I need the boost and I shall share with my stepson who is my current work in progress 🙂

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  2. There is an exercise called ‘Count Your Blessing’. If you write the pros and cons in a format, you discover that the positives outweigh the negatives. It just needs a structured thinking approach.

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  3. I spend a lot of time on my own, my family live a distance away and have busy lives, I struggle with guilt issues over how my longterm disability/pain has had an impact on their lives and our relationships. I struggle with being a responsible daughter of a mum who is struggling with her memory and independence, where I am approaching the point of forcing her into a situation she will not talk about and will cause her great upheaval but in the end will give her a better quality of life. There is no-one who can assure me I am a good, caring parent/grandparent/daughter because it always comes down to how much I have affected their lives by not being able to do as much as I would want had I been strong and healthy. I don’t know where this came from, I intended to write that I find self-esteem in creativity, but I am about to go to register Power of Attorney at my mum’s bank and yesterday we looked at sheltered accommodation without telling her, so at the moment I feel fairly wretched. Sorry, Bernadette, I am usually a positive person and pride myself on being able to lift the spirits of those having a difficult time. Right now, I am the one having a difficult time. I shall spend tomorrow painting rocks and cards, playing inspiring music and raising my game again. 💜

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    1. Bernadette is right on both counts. All you can do is your best and try not to beat yourself up about some mythical better. We don’t imagine that we are signed up to such situations when we nestle in our mother’s arms but in the end the tables turn and all we can do is what suits us all best. And the turned tables mean that it is the child who has to make the decisions. I send you strength and so much love to sustain you at this very very hard time. Remind yourself, please that you did not ask for the pain issues that you have. Do that for me, would you?

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      1. Thank you, you are all very kind and I appreciate all offers of support. I do know this of course, but sometimes you just feel weighed down by it all. The pain is manageable, it is not the centre of my life, it used to be but no longer. Dealinqith my mum’s issues comes in waves and at the moment it’s approaching tsunami strength! She will visit in 3 weeks and I will have to have a very difficult conversation with her. But don’t worry about me, I have moments of apprehension and doubt and I just happened to read Bernadett’s post as I was waiting for hb to get ready. Thank you for caring, it is wonderful to know there are people whom you’ve never met but who can turn things around when you most need it. 💜

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  4. I really try to do right-to keep my heart pure. When i fail miserably, I forgive myself and try to figure out why I was wrong. Some of my flaws repeat themselves often-it is an endless battle!-yet I just forgive again and vow to do better.This practice helps me forgive others too. I tell myself, we are mostly, all of us doing the best we can. It also helps to remember we are human, after all-

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      1. I love that book! And yes, that agreement particularly, sums it up nicely–Funny thing-A friend recommended that book years ago, when it was just gaining attention-I looked everywhere-and could not find the “Four ARGUMENTS!” ha!

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  5. Like many others, I have learned through bitter experience that walking in someone else’s shoes is a wonderful cure for selfishness. We can all have sympathy, but empathy is a huge step up, so bad experiences can enrich you and assist in understanding others’ needs.Luckily I have a wonderful network of family and friends. I take from their strengths but try and give it back to others.This ‘human-caring’ is a two-way thing and can be very humbling. All that said, self-esteem still needs work! Thank you for an interesting post.

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  6. Oh, my! I am my own best critic even at this age but I am getting better. I try to tell myself I am doing the best I can and have not too too badly. Helping others always makes me feel better about myself. Reading the other comments has been good!

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  7. I used to be that person… but now try to consciously stop myself when doing so… realizing that it can become habitual… If it’s a change I think I have to make I try to muster up the courage to do so. In any case if we don’t have self-esteem it limits our capabilities to do or to dream…. Diane

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