A Visit To The Beach – Microfiction challenge #15: Freedom

By Bernadette

what-frredom

WHAT FREEDOM

ILYA REPIN

Ah, this man is dangerously attractive.  “Come to the beach with me my love”, he said.  “We will take a picnic and revel in the salt air and sunshine.”  And so we did.

The day grew grey and gloomy.  “Why the glum face darling”, he laughed.  “This is the best weather for dancing in the water.”  He grabbed my hand and I found myself in the crashing waves clutching my hat.  He laughed with such joy that I almost forgot I couldn’t swim.

THIS IS WRITTEN IN RESPONSE TO THE MICROFICTION CHALLENGE SPONSORED BY JANE DOUGHTY AT JANE DOUGHTY WRITES, JANEDOUGHERTY.WORDPRESS.COM

About Bernadette

I live in the small town of Haddonfield, NJ. I am at an age in my life when I seem to spend time thinking and musing about life. These musings are usually stimulated by my walks through Haddonfield, my reading of books and fellow bloggers, and my interaction with my group of fabulous family and friends.

48 Responses

      1. Lisa Orchard

        I hear you. I know how scary it is to write something and hang it out there for the world to see, but it was awesome. Keep writing and don’t worry about the critics. There’s always that one person you can’t please. 🙂

        Liked by 2 people

  4. mariaholm

    I am suddenly reminded of a time in my life twenty two years ago where I studied Russian while living in Sweden. We came across this famous painter in our studies. Especially one where you see the Zar’s serfs working in a field like oxen.

    Liked by 1 person

  7. Jane Dougherty

    Thanks for joining in, Bernadette 🙂 I hope you’ll be a frequent participant now you’ve taken the plunge. It’s hard to put your work out there the first time, but you’re over that hurdle, so enjoy yourself! And if you ever want a bit of constructive criticism, just say so.

    Like

      2. Jane Dougherty

        It’s a good story told with an economy of words, and I like that you don’t bother wasting any of them on names or unnecessary description. It has verve and rhythm and carries the reader along. One thing that to my mind doesn’t quite fit in is the opening phrase. I know what you’re saying and I think you should keep it, but change it from the present tense since the story is all past tense. If you wanted to tinker with it a bit more, why not add a final phrase to let the reader know how she feels about not being able to swim—terror, amusement, apprehension? Just a thought.

        Liked by 2 people

      4. Jane Dougherty

        Some things are so obvious we just don’t see them. It isn’t a question of not putting in the work really. It’s more that a second pair of eyes picks up things we don’t because we know the story too well 🙂

        Like

  13. Annika Perry

    The sheer abundance of joy shines through your writing – the carelessness beautifully captured, enraptured by the moment – but I do fear for the couple in those waves! I was wondering who painted the picture? It’s fantastic.

    Liked by 1 person

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