WHAT FREEDOM
ILYA REPIN
Ah, this man is dangerously attractive. “Come to the beach with me my love”, he said. “We will take a picnic and revel in the salt air and sunshine.” And so we did.
The day grew grey and gloomy. “Why the glum face darling”, he laughed. “This is the best weather for dancing in the water.” He grabbed my hand and I found myself in the crashing waves clutching my hat. He laughed with such joy that I almost forgot I couldn’t swim.
THIS IS WRITTEN IN RESPONSE TO THE MICROFICTION CHALLENGE SPONSORED BY JANE DOUGHTY AT JANE DOUGHTY WRITES, JANEDOUGHERTY.WORDPRESS.COM
Love your writing, Bernadette! You described the scene perfectly!
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Thank you so much Lisa. This is the first time I have stuck my toe into these waters. I was a little more than usual nervous about creative writing.
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I hear you. I know how scary it is to write something and hang it out there for the world to see, but it was awesome. Keep writing and don’t worry about the critics. There’s always that one person you can’t please. 🙂
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Thanks so much for the encouragement.
>
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You’re welcome. 🙂
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It was my first proper attempt too. You did good, I loved the dance the clutch of her hat. 😇
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Excellent! You wrote the passion and lustiness of the scene perfectly – and in so few words. That takes talent, my friend.
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That is very high praise because you set the bar very high with your writing. Thank you so much.
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Beautiful picture, Bernadette and you have written with so much passion and depth. Loved your post.
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Thank you so much
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I am suddenly reminded of a time in my life twenty two years ago where I studied Russian while living in Sweden. We came across this famous painter in our studies. Especially one where you see the Zar’s serfs working in a field like oxen.
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Maria, thanks for taking the time to read and comment.
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You are so faithful to us all Bernadette 🌺
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Beautifully written Bernadette. I don’t think you need have any fears about your creative writing skills – you are doing great.
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Thanks for your encouragement.
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Excellent! And accompanies the picture perfectly. Nicely done!
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Thanks for joining in, Bernadette 🙂 I hope you’ll be a frequent participant now you’ve taken the plunge. It’s hard to put your work out there the first time, but you’re over that hurdle, so enjoy yourself! And if you ever want a bit of constructive criticism, just say so.
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I would be happy to have your input.
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Thanks so much Meg
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It’s a good story told with an economy of words, and I like that you don’t bother wasting any of them on names or unnecessary description. It has verve and rhythm and carries the reader along. One thing that to my mind doesn’t quite fit in is the opening phrase. I know what you’re saying and I think you should keep it, but change it from the present tense since the story is all past tense. If you wanted to tinker with it a bit more, why not add a final phrase to let the reader know how she feels about not being able to swim—terror, amusement, apprehension? Just a thought.
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These are all very good suggestions. I am afraid that I don’t put enough work into proof reading for tense. Thanks for the reminder.
Bernadette >
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Some things are so obvious we just don’t see them. It isn’t a question of not putting in the work really. It’s more that a second pair of eyes picks up things we don’t because we know the story too well 🙂
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I want to dance in the surf with him too!
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Lovely!
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This is wonderful Bernadette!!! 😊
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Thank you Lunda. Trying to get enough courage to put myself out there.
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What a delightful short read 🙂
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Well done! Loved this, Bernadette. I loved the vivid imagery, and the twist of the last line was great. Jo
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Thank you Jo. I put myself out there with great trepidation. There is so much talent in our community.
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The sheer abundance of joy shines through your writing – the carelessness beautifully captured, enraptured by the moment – but I do fear for the couple in those waves! I was wondering who painted the picture? It’s fantastic.
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It is a Russian artist named Ilya Repin. Thanks for your very generous comment.
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Ooh, he is dangerous, isn’t he? I can’t help feeling her being unable to swim is a metaphor for the way she lives her life. I hope he teaches her how to swim.
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Thanks for your insightful comment.
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Great story Bernadette. Hoping you’ll do more. Hitting the follow!
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Thanks for the compliment and the follow.
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You’re most welcome.
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Beautifully succinct Bernadette, loved your response to the image.
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Thanks so much Michael.
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You’re welcome.
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Love this, Bernadette. You captured the image perfectly 🙂
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Thank you Dianne. My muse just happened to be sitting next to the computer. Usually I have to chase her down and arm wrestle her into letting go of some inspiration.😊
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One of those muses, huh? You’ll have to wrestle her into giving up a lot more. That was a fun read. 🙂
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I wish there had been a love button up there somewhere! This piece should be a book. Love, love, loved it! 😀
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I’m blushing!!! Thank you my friend.
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I love that piece! The ending sentence is perfect!
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Love this, Bernadette! The picture looks scary, but your story is full of excitement and joy:)
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Lovely little story. Good writing, Bernadette. 🙂 — Suzanne
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Thank you so much for your encouraging words. Just dipping my toes into the creative writing waters/
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