As I mentioned before my OWL for this year is Light Hearted (yes, I know that is two words).  In the pursuit of being light hearted, I have signed on to take a course in humor writing.  What follows is a fictionalized tale of a real event.

The alarm cruelly pulled me from the warm arms of my covers and put me on the road without the solace of my morning Joe.

The thin morning light found me in the words of Chuck Berry, “riding along in my automobile”,  unfortunately no “baby beside at the wheel”.

Out of the morning gloom I spy a pair of frightening lights.  The lights are very menacing and eating the road up fast.  I look in rear mirror and see an evil looking muscle car with a pair of aggressive lights and a mean lear to its grill.  Intimidation personified and muscle car decides to exercise all of it by taking a ride on my bumper instead of passing.

Now, I know I am in the passing lane but give me a break.  The hulk couldn’t go around me?  Thus began this inner dialogue, ok, I say to myself what would Deepak Chopra say in this situation – meditate, meditate.  Well darn it you can’t meditate in the car.  Alright Bernadette, what else have you learned from meditation?  Now I remember, the person who is irritating you the most is your best teacher.  Well, that made me feel better because I figure I am teaching him patience.  And he is teaching me nonviolence. I accept his lesson and pull into the other lane even though I just feel like hitting my breaks real fast and smashing the evil grin of that car’s face.  No meditation or coffee in the morning is a very lethal combination.

Finally down the road I spy a rest stop and the benediction of a cup of a coffee is soon to come.

I pull into the rest stop, hop out of the car, and rush to the door.  I quickly join the herd waiting for their morning libation.

I glance behind me and who should be there breathing down my neck but muscle car.  He gives me a big, sincere smile and wishes me good morning.  I eek out a weak smile and  murmur mornin’.  I order my plain morning coffee and think he is no doubt pleased with my courtesy of not ordering one of the caramel machiatto soy half caf morning libations. Although vengeance had reared its ugly head and encouraged me to order one of those complicated drinks just to slow him down.

As I am virtuously putting my skin milk into my coffee don’t I hear him order venti bold with a double shot of expresso and soy milk.  No surprise there!

After drinking my coffee I approach the door to return to my car and muscle car suddenly appears, opens the door, and wishes me a good day.

I had to laugh at the irony of the situation.  Apparently is absurd to expect good manners to apply not only to face to face engagement but also to car to car encounters.

Wishing you a smooth ride,

Bernadette