Thirteen years ago, my son, Andrew, walked out my door never to return.  In those thirteen years I have had to struggle with an avalanche of emotions.

One of the hardest acts for me is to accept the new Andrew.  I spent so much of the last 13 years not accepting this tragedy and denying that I was left with a new person.

The anniversary of losing the first Andrew is October 12.  This past week when I visited Andrew, I saw that someone had taken this picture of him –

andrew 2015

Usually, I take these pictures and rip them up.  When I destroy those pictures on some level I am destroying the evidence of my loss.

This is the first time I have saved a picture of him and posted it.  I am celebrating this because I think I may have turned a corner and I am walking into the comforting arms of acceptance.

Thanks for listening,



About Bernadette

I live in the small town of Haddonfield, NJ. I am at an age in my life when I seem to spend time thinking and musing about life. These musings are usually stimulated by my walks through Haddonfield, my reading of books and fellow bloggers, and my interaction with my group of fabulous family and friends.

22 Responses

  1. Hi there Bernadette, it’s very hard acknowledging a personal tragedy and all the changes it brings and although I cannot even begin to imagine what your pain must have been like, I am happy that you are finally finding acceptance. Your son is very lucky to have you and vice versa. God Bless your family. All my best, Tx ❤

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Reaching out and hugging you. I have an Andrew as well. My oldest. I can’t imagine your journey. Life, as we think it exists, is so fleeting and fragile. It seems you have turned a corner. Blessings and thanks to you.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Anonymous

    I read your post and cried. I knew Andrew very well growing up and always found him to be so genuine and kind. He has always held a special place in my heart. Thanks for sharing….seeing that smile of Andrew’s brought me back to another time and some really great memories.


  4. Vibrant

    I am so touched by this post. I left my mom and family two years ago because of overwhelming love for God and to avoid marriage. I understand your pain!

    My family found me after one year and I came back because my mom needed me.

    I wish you and your son more love, light and peace 🙂

    Anand 🙂

    Liked by 2 people

  5. I do not know what happened in your life or to your beloved son! All I know is you are a courageous and strong woman! your son is so lucky to have such a wonderful mother! turning a corner is so hard!!! I am glad you have found a new peace or new feelings! God bless you

    Liked by 1 person

  6. Turning a corner is a wonderful thing to celebrate. I’m so glad you kept the picture, and so glad you shared it on your blog. Holding you in the light as you keep on turning the corner. 🙂 I’m sure it is a journey full of many steps.

    Liked by 1 person

  7. Bernadette, I can’t imagine the heartache and the journey you have been on. I know that I don’t know you personally, but you strike me as someone with a very thoughtful, gentle, compassionate soul. I am sending you love and offering up prayers for you and for your son and family. ❤️

    Liked by 1 person


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